the (late) beginning

I have created this blog in order to talk about something private in a rather public way. Ironically, I haven’t been able to be open or honest in my private journal about polyamory, my two partners, or the moments I have shared with them. I want to utilize this space to recall my experiences in the last year and to track my life as it stands now in regards to polyamory.

As I began to explore and admittedly fumble with polyamory just over a year ago, the journal in question did not feel like a tolerant or open place to discuss my new relationship. Many people including the person with whom I live and eventually plan to marry, my other partner and his spouse, and several of our friends and family have access to my journal. Simultaneously beginning a new relationship and finding out for the first time what polyamory even meant was extremely personal. It made me feel at once wonderful and vulnerable, and unsure whom I could tell or even how to tell.

I don’t like having to make specific ‘friends groups’ when I post entries. I have also never felt like writing completely private posts, because I want feedback and foils to my own thoughts. I use my journal to record events in my life in order to show myself later where I’ve been and who I’ve become.

Yet, until very recently, I have not spoken about one of the most critical aspects of my life: love.

As a result of the aforementioned things, I have never properly documented my relationships or the transformation of my world views. One day I would like to go back and consider how I felt about this part of my life. We have had very good things happen, and also very bad things. It’s important to talk about these things. Even if my entries eventually consist of quotidian things like grocery shopping or lunchtime musings with either of my partners, I will be happy.

I don’t know how often I’ll update this blog. Changing names and editing out certain details will frustrate me; however, I need this. I am proud of who I am. I need the nebulous, ‘anonymous’ space of the world wide web to discuss the effects polyamory has had on our lives and the joy of being in love.