What Being Poly Means to Me

(Originally written in July, as a way to find some closure for a difficult situation.)

You know, I don't think I live a distasteful or a morally questionable lifestyle. I worked hard in school. I love my family and friends, and would do anything for them at a moment’s notice. I work 40 hours a week for a college in an under-funded department. I like to take walks. I prefer reading a good book in bed, instead of going out and getting drunk at a bar (not that there's anything wrong with that). I enjoy a fine glass of wine and good conversation on gentle autumn evenings. I can be a bit fierce sometimes, but I try to be a good person and a good friend. I'm guilty of occasionally picking my nose and leaving the bathroom door open at home. I enjoy coffee perhaps a little too much. I plan to stay in the public sector, because I believe in education and social welfare. I want the world to be a safe and equal place for everyone. I take care of homeless animals on the weekend and try to make their lives a little better.

The only problem some people seem to have with me is the fact that I love two men, the fact that I have two boyfriends. Two partners. Two great loves. Two precious friends. Somehow loving two wonderful men and having healthy, equal, tender relationships with each of them is wrong.

I never intend to make my friends uncomfortable about being polyamorous. We don't want to throw polyamory in anyone's face. That would be counterproductive and cold-hearted of us. Regardless, I know some of my friends are or have felt uncomfortable. In many cases we've dealt with and continue to deal with that discomfort constructively. It hurts so much that we've lost friends because of polyamory. We do want our close friends, however, to know who we are. The reason is because we care about them deeply and don't want to conceal things from them. Not telling someone we care about or respect is akin to lying to them as well as lying to ourselves.

Being poly has been a breath of fresh air for me. I have realized a lot about myself and my dreams for the future in the last year. Polyamory, many or multiple loves, has given me a lot: a much stronger and more loving relationship with Tobias, an extensive vocabulary for honesty and communication, and insurmountable support. I am not sure I could have survived the last year without Tobias, Sam, and Sam’s wife Diana.

I love Tobias and Sam. I'm sorry if that's a problem to anyone reading this, but it's an inescapable truth. I wouldn't have it any other way.